Silent Lives
by Karrah Aretz
Summary: chapter 8, the more things change, the more Maureen likes to shake things up even more!
1. Will You Remember Me?

Silent Lives 1: I Will Remember You   
by Maureen  
  
This is the sequel to Silent Heartbeats. All the same disclaimers apply, I'm still not making money and the characters still aren't mine. Also, all the language cautions apply, nothing has changed!   
  
song by Sarah McLachlan/Seamus Egan/Dave Merenda. again, no money being made. still. :(  
  
***  
  
Jamie sat on the swing in front of Catie's house, waiting for her to get home. She was out with her mother buying things she would need for her dorm room. She would be leaving for college the next morning and this was his last chance to see her before she was gone.   
  
A shadow approached him from behind, turning, he saw Catie's older sister, Rebecca heading across the front yard. She handed him a piece of paper, looking down at him beginning to sweat in the summer heat.   
  
/Come inside and wait/  
  
Jamie put the paper in his pocket and stood, "Thanks," he said, following her in the house.   
  
They sat awkwardly on the couch with Jerry Springer on. Jamie didn't really know Catie's older sister. He had seen her around Kingsport high when he had gone there, but hadn't known that they were sisters. Catie wasn't very close to her siblings.   
  
Looking around the room, he noticed all the photos of the family and, to Jamie's surprise, pictures of himself and Catie.   
  
I will remember you  
will you remember me?  
don't let your life pass you by  
weep not for the memories  
  
The first picture was from The Dance. Jamie always referred to it in capital letters in his mind. It had been the first time they had really gone out together on a real date and it was the first time he had ever slept with a girl.   
  
The more he thought about the more he realized that there were a a lot of firsts that night. His first time trying to dance since he had become deaf, the first time he had met Catie's mother. The only things about that night that weren't firsts were his fight with Kenny and getting into trouble with Carlson.   
  
Jamie chuckled to himself remembering that night. It had been a wonderful, chaotic night and he had been scared shitless the entire time. Briefly he wondered if Catie had been as well.   
  
"Sorry," he muttered, when Rebecca looked at him, confused.   
  
remember the good times that we had?  
I let them slip away from us when things got bad  
now clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun  
wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one  
  
Jamie turned back to the TV, bored out of his mind. True, he wasn't supposed to meet Catie for another 30 minutes, but Alex had let him off early since he wasn't really working anyways. Mostly he had been figeting and doing everything but working. He was too excited about seeing Catie...and upset that she would be leaving.  
  
Jamie continued to look around the room, trying not to be obviously bored. His eyes discovered another picture of the couple, this time at Catie's prom.  
  
Catie had decided to go crazy for prom, stating that it was a once in a lifetime event and she wanted it to be memorable. Memorable was certainly the word Jamie had used to describe it.  
  
Catie had worn a dark purpley-blue skirt that flowed from her hips like it was poured on with a strapless coreset in lavender with a dark blue velvet overlay. The corset was partially backless, lacing up her back tightly. Her hair was pulled back simply with lavender flowers in it and she had added black mesh gloves and gothic jewelry to complete her ensemble. She had looked ravishing to Jamie.   
  
He had contrasted her nineteenth century goth look by wearing a zoot suit. Alex hadn't stopped laughing about it for weeks, but Catie got her 'unique and rememberable' prom. Jamie had looked like a nut in his zoot suit, swinging his cane around like he owned the ballroom. Of course, Val and Tyler had gone together and won prom king and queen.  
  
I will remember you  
will you remember me?  
don't let your life pass you by  
weep not for the memories  
  
That night Jamie and Catie had met up with Val and Tyler after prom and spent the entire night at Tyler's house, crying and laughing and eventually falling asleep on his bedroom floor at 5:30am. It would be their last time all in high school. In only a few short months Val would be leaving for New York University and Tyler would be heading to Boston University. And Catie would be going to Ohio.   
  
And Jamie would remain in Kingsport in high school. As a junior. Two years behind his friends. Almost completely alone. He was man enough to admit that he had cried that night along with Catie and Val. He was also man enough to qualify his crying by also telling people that Tyler had cried as well.  
  
I'm so tired but I can't sleep  
standin' on the edge of something much too deep  
it's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word  
we are screaming inside, but we can't be heard  
  
Jamie had been the last to fall asleep, sitting there in the dark, Catie curled in her sleeping bag only a few feet away. He watched her sleep as long as he could keep his eyes open, marveling at how beautiful she looked with no makeup on and such a peaceful expression on her face. She looked like a cherub.   
  
If she ever found out that she looked cherubic when she slept she'd rant and rave like there was no tomorrow. But Jamie wasn't about to tell.  
  
but I will remember you  
will you remember me?  
don't let your life pass you by  
weep not for the memories  
  
Warm arms wrapped around Jamie, interrupting his trip down memory lane and causing him to jump slightly. Turning, he saw Catie, hugging him from behind.   
  
"Hey," he said, reaching up to hug her back. "Have fun?"  
  
*Oh yeah,* she signed, rolling her eyes. *Shopping with my mom is always a blast.*  
  
*Well, you bought a lot,* Jamie said, motioning to all the bags in the entry way to the house.   
  
*Yeah. College crap that I don't need. I mean, do I really need shower shoes?*  
  
*Um...I don't know,* Jamie admitted, not sure if she was expecting an answer or not.  
  
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose  
clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose  
once there was a darkness, deep and endless night  
you gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light  
  
They made out in Catie's room, the 'do not disturb' sign on the door so Rebecca wouldn't just barge in. It was frenzied and feverish, not gentle and timeless like usual. They knew their time wouldn't last.   
  
Finally they broke apart for air. "I love you," Jamie whispered.   
  
*I love you too,* Catie replied automatically. *We never did talk about what would happen after tonight.*  
  
*What do you mean?*  
  
*Well...I'm going to Ohio. That's like 1000 miles away. And I don't get long weekends or anything like we do here. I won't be back until Thanksgiving...or maybe even longer than that.*  
  
*Well, there's still the internet, we can email every day.*  
  
Catie turned, facing Jamie, a serious expression on her face. *I don't think so. I want to be friends, but I don't think a long distance relationship will work.*  
  
Jamie stared at her in disbelief. She couldn't be 'dear johning' him!  
  
and I will remember you  
will you remember me?  
don't let your life pass you by  
weep not for the memories  
  
"You can't be serious," he said, shock and disbelief appearant.  
  
Catie nodded, not meeting his eyes. Jamie could see a tear dripping down her cheek. *I think after tonight...we should see other people.*  
  
"Why? I don't want to."  
  
*You may not want to now, but what about after I've been gone a few months? I don't want you just sitting at home alone waiting for me. I want you to be free to see other girls, I don't want you tied to anything.*  
  
"You mean, you don't want to be tied to anything,* Jamie said flatly.  
  
Catie nodded again, more tears flowing. *'When the ship lifts, all debts are paid.' I don't hate you and you never did anything to upset me! I still love you, none of that has changed. But we're young! I want to be able to explore and try new things and meet people in college! And you should have the same opportunities here.*  
  
Jamie sniffed, trying not to cry. It wouldn't be the first time she had seen him cry, but the other times had been different. The other times she hadn't been the one making him cry.   
  
Now the tables had turned. He had known for months in the back of his mind that this was going to happen, but now that it had...he couldn't deal with it. He just couldn't.  
  
"I love you, Catie," Jamie whispered, eyes clenched shut.  
  
Catie touched his shoulder, trying to get his attention. Jamie shook his head, not wanting to open his eyes.   
  
Sighing, she opened his hand, which had been clenched as tight as his eyes in a fist. Slowly she finger spelled 'I love you too' on his hand.   
  
and I will remember you  
will you remember me?  
don't let your life pass you by  
weep not for the memories  
weep not for the memories  
  
Jamie and Catie stood on the front porch of her house, just holding each other and watching the sun go down. They knew this would be their last time together as boyfriend and girlfriend. When the sun rose in the morning, they would be officially over as a couple.   
  
Jamie held Catie even tighter, not wanting to let her go.  
  
***  
  
A/N: yeah, yeah, I know everyone now officially hates me b/c I broke up Jamie and Catie, but let's be realistic here! A long distance relationship between a couple that began dating in HS is simply unrealistic...as I can tell you. In the first year of college you mature so quickly that your HS friends can't keep up and it is never the same. Don't worry though folks, Catie hasn't left for good and they are still friends.   
  
Besides...I have plenty more to keep you guys interested than just this!  
  
Shower shoes are a must if you use a community shower. Fortunantly, I share my shower with 3 other girls and (occassionally) a boyfriend or 2. *looks at what she just wrote* I do not shower with them at the same time...but sometimes they use the shower. When no one else is in it. Yes. I shower alone. by myself. all the time. 


	2. Staplers & Foreheads

Silent Heartbeats 2: Staplers & Foreheads  
by Maureen  
  
***  
  
Jamie sat in the large grassy area outside of the apartment, a glass of lemonade gathering condensation next to him. Alex had been trying to "super foster dad" all summer and had been on a drink making spree. Various types of koolaid, lemonades or specialty iced teas were always in a pitcher in the refridger and Jamie had no problem drinking them.   
  
But he was just not in the mood, Catie Roth had left for college today.  
  
Her flight had left two hours ago and she was probably about to land in Ohio. About to start a new life without him. Even though they had agreed to be friends and talk online it hurt.  
  
It was a new kind of hurt that Jamie wasn't completely familiar with. It wasn't physical pain or the dead feeling of being left behind or even the crushing pain of being rediculed. It was the pain of heartbreak. Of losing someone you truly love.  
  
Although their relationship was now past tense, his feelings for her were still very much still in the present. So he sat in the sweltering humidity of the summer heat just thinking.  
  
Thinking about her smile and her full lips, twisting from a gothic scowl to a lighthearted grin in minutes. She wasn't one of those "new age" goths that tried to drink blood or were too "depressed" to live in their yuppie suburban houses and drive SUVs. She was a traditional goth, one that was dark and creepy and enjoyed every minute of it.  
  
And her eyes...so dark and mysterious, mishevious and knowing. She was a walking dichotomy like Atticus Finch and what's-his-name from To Kill A Mockinbird. He'd had to read that book last year and was surprised that not only had he liked it, but that he remembered it. He could get lost in her eyes while he ran his hands through her silky brown hair.   
  
Once he had convinced her that he liked it better when she wore her hair down, she looked so much better than when she wore her hair in pigtails. The childish hairstyle just did not match her adult intellect. There was nothing childish about Catie Roth...not as far as Jamie was concerned.  
  
God how he missed her.  
  
He didn't even realize how much she meant to him until the end had come and now he wished he could go back in time, correct all the things he wished he had or hadn't done. Like not crying in her arms time after time or fighting with Kenny. Life just kept proving time and again that it was never fair.   
  
Jamie gave a brief mirthless laugh. He had learned years before anyone else that life was 'not fair' and yet he never stopped hoping. It wasn't that he was an optimist, but despite his "anti-establishment" rehetoric of the rebel, he really did believe things could get better.   
  
The past year and a half had proven that, and Catie had been very influencial. She was an idealist who wanted to change the system, he was the realist willing to humour her...and perhaps she changed him more than he had originally suspected.  
  
A figure came over and sat down next to him, waving and offering a slight smile. Valerie Linear, Catie's best friend. As Catie liked to point out, Jamie was her "second best friend" and this allowed certain "extras". Friends with benefits.  
  
*How're you?* Val asked, raising her hand to block the sun from her eyes.  
  
Jamie nodded slowly, not really sure how to answer. He wasn't going to break down at the drop of a feather, he was a steel mountain of emotion. He had a giant gaping hole that he didn't realize was so large.  
  
"I miss her," he finally replied out loud, "I didn't realize how much she was in my life and she's only been gone a few hours."  
  
Val nodded, understanding. The Goth had influenced everyone around her, convincing Val that Tyler and Hank's former relationship had been a good thing, helping Jamie to not slip into a depression and loving him unconditionally, the one thing he needed the most. She had ridiculed the 'super squad' mercilessly, but was always there to help when they needed her.   
  
*Same as I missed Tyler last year,* Val replied, alluding to her non-relationship with him. It had stung when he had stopped playing the 'I like you' game with her and began to date Hank.   
  
Again, Jamie nodded, understanding. "How is the ambiguously gay duo anyways?"  
  
*Tyler leaves tomorrow for school. So do I,* Hank had left for college the year before and was a sophomore now.  
  
"So I'll be stuck at the station with Mischa," Jamie had managed to shunt all of his pain and impending loneliness into the name 'Mischa', somehow blaming the EMT for all of his problems.  
  
*Mischa and the new squad. You met them over the summer,* Val's signing was still slow, but she was progressing. *Brooke will still be there too.*  
  
"Yay," he said dully. It wasn't that he didn't like Brooke, she was like a little sister to him, but he had enjoyed the camderie when it had been 'the super squad', Jamie & Brooke. Change sucked big hard goat balls.  
  
He sighed. He noticed he had begun to do that more often than he used to. Val hugged him around the shoulders, and stood to leave. *I have to finish packing, I'll email you later.*  
  
"Bye," Jamie replied, despondantly. Even though he and Val had their differences, the recycling competition being the worst of their fights, they had somehow found an odd friendship. It was nowhere as close as Jamie's friendship with Brooke or Catie, or even Tyler with their games of basketball, but they were no longer at each others throats.   
  
He didn't think they'd ever be good friends, there were too many differences and neither understood the other, but they were friends with Catie and that meant they were tied together forever. The best friend and the backup best friend cum boyfriend.   
  
As Val climbed into her mothers car, Jamie couldn't help but think more about Catie. How a goth and a prep could somehow put aside their differences long enough to become not just friends, but best friends. He never wanted to admit it, but he had always been jealous of their friendship. Catie was the first person to be friends with him unconditionally.  
  
Catie. She was his first in so many things. And Jamie knew that he would look back in twenty years, smile and say "Catie Roth was my first love," and despite having been apart for only a few hours, Jamie knew with all of his heart that it was true.  
  
  
As the sun set, Jamie stood and headed up to the apartment. Alex had gotten fried chicken for dinner and his niece and nephew, Jenna and Karl were going to come hang out. They were bringing over guy movies under the excuse that they couldn't spend any more time at their house, but Jamie knew, it was to cheer him up.  
  
***  
  
A/N: see chapters 4 & 8 of Silent Heartbeats.  
"sucked big hard goat balls" aka chubacambra 


	3. Jamie's Jubilee

Silent Heartbeats 3: Jamie's Jubilee  
by Maureen  
  
***  
  
Jamie headed over to the station after school, happy to finally be out of 10th grade and officially an upperclassman. Even though it was only the first day of school, he could tell that this was going to be an interesting year. He liked his classes, he liked his teachers, and to his surprise, he was greeted in the hallways like an old friend by people he didn't even know were his friends.  
  
Unlike last year, he had been invited to sit with classmates in class and at lunch. Jeremy was now respected him and no longer forced Jamie to eat alone in classrooms. Life at Bradford was certainly improving.  
  
"Hey Brooke!" he called, dropping his backpack by her computer. She was already engrossed in the machine, filling out electronic paperwork so the hard copies could be filed.  
  
*Hey, Jamie,* she signed, *file those, would you? And the sink in the women's bathroom is leaking.*  
  
The general consensus around Station 32 was that the station would fall apart without Brooke Linear, Jamie Waite and Alex Freeman. Brooke, despite only being a freshman in highschool, was a computer whiz and had been affectionately dubbed 'the queen of paperwork'. Jamie had been an EMT before he became deaf, and now was the handyman for the station, taking care of inventory and fixing anything broken. Alex was offically referred to as "Dr. Freeman" but most people just used his first name, he officially ran the station, but as everyone knew, he wouldn't last a day without Brooke or Jamie. It also helped that Jamie was his foster son.  
  
"Fix this, file that, give mouth to mouth to a dog...." Jamie grumbled good-naturedly, he picked up the stack of papers and deposited them on top of the filing cabinets and grabbing his toolbelt. The filing could wait, going into the girls' bathroom could not.  
  
***  
  
"So...how was high school?" Jamie asked, plopping himself down on the papers Brooke was working on. It was his way of saying 'take a break'.  
  
*Fine, but it's weird not having Val around,* she said.  
  
*I know...it's weird not having Catie around too.*  
  
*Remember Mr. MacDougal?* Brooke asked, refering to one of the so-called 'guidance counselors'.  
  
*Yeah.*  
  
*He's now an assistant principal along with Carlson. He stands on the balcony over the cafeteria with a bullhorn making sure everyone cleans up their trash and trays. We call him The Dark Overlord,* she informed him, snickering.  
  
Jamie could just imagine the 6'4", black exfootball player standing there doing just that. *He never was suited to being a 'counselor', ordering people around in a bizarre manner is much closer to his style.*  
  
*Working hard or hardly working you two?* Alex asked, coming in the small office. Brooke didn't have an office so much as a desk and computer that was slightly partitioned off, and it had taken Alex nearly a year of wrangling with the city to get her that much. "I need the case files from last shift, Brooke."  
  
"Ha and ha," Brooke replied, "Jamie's sitting on the papers you want," she turned to the older man-boy, *Jamie, you're stinking up Alex's papers.*  
  
Jamie stood up properly, creasing the papers as he did so. *Here,* he said, trying vainly to straighten them back out.  
  
*How was school?* Alex asked, accepting the papers.  
  
*Not bad. I think my mechanics class will be fun and my english teacher is new and seems really wild,* a year and a half ago Jamie didn't care about school at all and didn't see the point in it. Now he wasn't exactly enthusiastic, but he did enjoy it much more.  
  
*Just remember, you aren't taking a technical degree, you're going to a four-year college,* Alex reminded him before leaving. Many schools for the deaf focused on teaching their students trades like mechanics and carpentry instead of focusing on sending the kids to college. Alex had learned, talking to other parents that the trades weren't helping the kids and the colleges were, but the schools were slow to change.  
  
***  
  
That night, Jamie logged onto the internet, hoping to see Catie. She had started school that day too. Fortunantly she was online.   
  
ProbEMT: Hey Catie...what's up?  
gothrebel: not much. just got back from dinner. the cafeteria isn't   
horrible.  
ProbEMT: so how are your classes?  
gothrebel: not bad, a lot of reading. it's what I get for being a lit major.  
ProbEMT: so then you like it?  
gothrebel: yeah, there are lots of barbie's here, but I've met a few really   
cool people. how's life in kingsport?  
ProbEMT: not bad. life goes on without Catie Roth. it's just much calmer.  
gothrebel: well, you know I try *buffs nails*  
ProbEMT: I gtg, have stuff to do.  
gothrebel: yeah - simpsons is on soon. toodles.  
  
Jamie closed the window and opened up yahoo games. Right now they were perfect, addicting and mind-numbing without the cost and brain cell loss of drugs. And he did not want to think at the moment.  
  
All of his conversations with Catie the past week or so had been strained at best, always short and awkward. It made him wonder if they would ever be able to just talk normally like they always had or if it would always be like this.  
  
She really didn't like to talk about college with him and he didn't talk about high school with her because it had to seem so trivial. Jamie sighed.  
  
Jamie had been hoping that some of his friends from school would be in the gaming room, but only a few people were logged in so he logged off and went to bed.  
  
***  
  
Catie logged off the computer and headed to the common room where a big screen TV was about to air the nightly Simpson's. She was loving college, there were so many open minded people and although she lived in a freshman-only dorm full of barbie's she wasn't hating it as much as she had thought. There were still other goths and punks around and she hung with them. And the Simpson's were a uniting factor to all. Unlike in Kingsport, college wasn't nearly as segregated.  
  
But Jamie...Catie couldn't really focus on the show, engrossed in her thoughts. She missed him. His humour, his sparkling eyes. They'd watch the Simpson's together at the station nearly every day. God how she missed him.   
  
She missed everything about him. The trouble they'd get into and riding on his motorcycle. But most importantly, she missed their talks. They'd talk about anything and everything until all hours of the night. Now they had short, awkward instant messages over the internet and it just wasn't the same. Not by a longshot.   
  
Catie sighed and headed back to her room. She wasn't enjoying the Simpson's anymore and she had homework to do.  
***  
  
A/N: Mr. MacDougal aka The Dark Overlord (and ruler of MacDougals, the cleanest fast food chain in our imaginations) really was a VP at my school until a few years ago...and he would stand on the balcony over the cafeteria with a bullhorn saying "Table 3, pick up those trays at the end! Table 5, don't forget your trash!" not that we had any clue which table was #3 or #5...he was cool though. 


	4. How Strange it Seems

Silent Lives 4: How Strange it Seems by Maureen  
  
*Today we're going to be starting a new project that we'll be working on all semester,* Jamie's history teacher said towards the end of class. *We're going to be making family trees and studying immigration and life in the colonial United States.*  
  
Despite being deaf, the students groaned and slouched lower in their seats. Especially Jamie. He had no real 'family' and didn't want to do the project at all. As the lights flashed, he grabbed his backpack and headed towards his teacher's desk. *Excuse me,* he said, *But I don't think I'll be able to do this.*  
  
*Why?* she asked. *Most of your semester grade is based on this project.*  
  
Jamie blushed, not really wanting to discuss his family situation. *Um...my family life is complicated. I haven't seen anyone in my family for over a year. I live with a foster father. I don't know anything about either side of my family.*  
  
*Oh,* his teacher replied, not expecting such a complicated home life. *Well, do what you know, or if you'd like, use a friend's family or your foster family. We'll discuss it more later.*  
  
Jamie nodded, before running to his next class so he wouldn't be late.  
  
***  
  
A few nights later Jamie headed over to Faustus's house to see if he could possibly find something out. During his other classes his friends had been excited about the project and couldn't believe how easy it was. Jamie had sat there feeling jealous, wishing he had the perfect family like they did. "Hey Faust!" Jamie called, tromping up the stairs. He was still in his station uniform, but was wearing a long sleeved black T-shirt instead of the regulation shirt.  
  
Faustus waved absentmindedly from where he was sitting at the computer terminal. On the black screen red letters were appearing rapidly, as if in a chatroom, but there was no conversation. Just short phrases that were repeated over and over.  
  
"What're you doing?" Jamie asked, pulling out his notepad and a pencil. With a few quick motions, the computer screen changed to hotmail.com.  
  
/MUDding/ Faustus wrote on the paper /it's a type of game./  
  
Jamie nodded, not understanding. "Well, I want you to help me on a genealogy project."  
  
/?/  
  
"I have to make a family history for class. And I don't know anything. I don't even know where my family is," Jamie knew that if anyone would understand it would be Faustus. He had been bounced from foster home to foster home for most of his life and had only found solace in his electronics.  
  
/You want me to hack into CPS?/ he wrote, puzzled. It was well known that child protective services, CPS, rarely had anything useful for finding parents of children whose parents did not want to be found. There were three types of foster children. Those that were going to be hopefully reunited with their parents, those that had parents but wouldn't be reunited, such as Jamie, and those like Faustus who had no clue about where they came from and probably never would.  
  
"Idiot," Jamie replied, "They don't know jack shit. My mom's name is Mariko Waite. There has to be something on her." Two hours later they had sifted through parking tickets, the unpaid bills and nearly insurmountable debt that Pete Waite was in and had only gotten as far back as 1990, but nothing on Mariko.  
  
/When were you born?/ Faustus asked, hoping that they would be able to jump farther back.  
  
"I was born in October of '85." Jamie replied, rubbing his eyes tiredly. He was sick of looking at the computer screen.  
  
Faustus quickly switched to the county hospital birth records, and with little effort found Jamie's birth certificate which listed Mariko and Peter Waite Sr. as the parents. He pointed it out on the screen, and then changed screens to show her credit. Nothing. Nothing showed for Mariko and Pete Waite past 1988.  
  
"1988 is when she left," Jamie explained, not really sure what this meant.  
  
Faustus nodded. /Go home, Jamie, I'll keep looking and will email you if I find anything/ it was nearly 10:00 and he knew that Jamie was tired. He should have been, but like most computer hackers that are intrigued by a problem, even if it is only a relatively simple hack, was still running on the adrenaline and wouldn't come down off his natural high for several more hours at least.  
  
Knowing that Alex was going to worry, Jamie collected his book bag and headed out, wishing they had found more. About 2 a.m. the next morning, Faustus finally found what he was looking for. Mariko Waite had changed her name a weeks after abandoning her family. He quickly wrote an e-mail to Jamie and sent it, knowing that finding her should be fairly simple now. Leaving his thick glasses on the bedside table, he crashed into bed, fully clothed.  
  
***  
  
After school Jamie had to head into work, but, for the first time in several weeks, he didn't want to. Usually he enjoyed working at the station, having finally adapted to his new role there. Between Jamie and Brooke nothing was unknown and they took care of everything short of signing Alex's name to the documents. Now, this isn't to say that Alex didn't do any work, he did, but they took care of most of the 'grunt' work leaving him to the actual administration.  
  
*Good day at school?* Brooke asked. She noticed how chipper Jamie was, especially for coming in from school.  
  
*Yes!* Jamie signed, *Nothing could annoy me!*  
  
*What about laundry and having to restock the ambulance?*  
  
He paused, unsure. Neither were his favorite job, but they both beat inventory. *Why isn't the squad on duty restocking?*  
  
*We got newbies today. Squad is giving orientation right now.* Brooke rolled her eyes. It seemed that every batch of new recruits was dumber than the lot preceding them.  
  
Jamie rolled his eyes heavenward in agreement. "Well then," he said vocally, rubbing his hands together, his eyes glinting mischievously, "we should help 'orient' them."  
  
***  
  
"While you work here you will do many unpleasant jobs, such as cleaning, inventory, cleaning, inventory and more cleaning -" before Misha could continue, Brooke and Jamie came careening into the garage with small squirt guns, attacking the squad, but ignoring the newbies. They had wrapped duct tape around their torso's and written "Twisted Monkeys" on it in marker. Around their arms and heads was toilet paper that they were using as bandages.  
  
"And occasionally you will be attacked by the Twisted Monkeys!" Jamie announced brandishing his gun wildly.  
  
"Meet the Queen of Paperwork, Brooke, and our King of Maintenance, Jamie," Misha said, once he had stopped laughing. He had been half expecting some sort of hijinx and was surprised it had gone as smoothly as it had for so long. "If you ever need something to do or don't know how to do something, ask them. Brooke is the only person that can keep our computers working and admin duties manageable and Jamie keeps everything from breaking down, including the ambulances and equipment. He's also a trained EMT-basic, but doesn't serve on the squads except in extreme emergencies. One last thing, Jamie is deaf, so any questions you have need to be written down."  
  
Introductions made, the Twisted Monkey's headed back inside to get more work done and maybe even figure out a way to squirt Alex later without being caught.  
  
***  
  
*Care to explain what that was outside?* Alex demanded.  
  
The so-called "Twisted Monkeys" were taking their toilet paper accessories off in Alex's office, trying to look appropriately ashamed. *We scared the newbies?* Jamie signed, feeling pleased with himself. This was almost as fun as throwing bags of expired saline from the tops of buildings at midnight. He hadn't done that in a while, not since he had lost his partner in crime, Caitie.  
  
*You made yourselves and this station look like idiots in front of new recruits is what you did!* Alex chastised. *I would maybe have expected this from Jamie, maybe, but from you Brooke! This is inexcusable!*  
  
*But we just wanted to shake things up, maybe show them that this isn't the marines,* Brooke protested, *besides, I'm not super-Val.* She was understandably upset at being compared to her older sister, even only in insinuation. While the sisters remained close, even though Val was at school in New York City, Brooke was quickly stepping out of her sister's shadow and becoming her own person.  
  
Alex sighed, realizing he wasn't going to win. *Don't do this again. Behave. And get to work!* he signed, giving up.  
  
***  
  
That night, Jamie logged onto the Internet to see what Faustus had found.  
  
ProbEMT: got anything for me Faust? geekrok: yeah - get my email earlier? ProbEMT: the one saying my mom changed her name? yeah. geekrok: her new name was Mary Waite...but I went into the national databases, there are a lot of Mary Waites ProbEMT: so? did you find her? geekrok: I think so. she remarried in 1991. some guy named Joseph Stewart. lives in Florida. ProbEMT: anything else? geekrok: yeah. bills and the like. couple of birth certificates, 2 girls. ProbEMT: you have an address and phone number? geekrok: of course. in the email I just sent you. ttyl dude gtg ProbEMT: ttyl. I owe you man.  
  
Jamie sat in front of the computer, not really sure what to think. His mother was in Florida. Remarried with kids. This meant he had half sisters. Sisters. This would take some getting used to. 


	5. Wanna Take a Ride with Me

Silent Lives 5: Wanna Take a Ride with Me  
  
By Maureen  
  
A/N: thanks to Ducki, Mad Cow, Aricraze, & Arcadia for bugging me to get more written. Anyone know where Darkchilde is? And how is Bea?  
  
Mucho graci-butt to Ami for literally sitting down one night and helping me talk through this ENTIRE chapter and part of the next chapter. I don't think this chapter would have been completed with out you. And to think....she doesn't even read/write fanfic or know anything about IaHB, she's just that awesome!  
  
***  
  
Jamie packed his schoolbooks in his messenger bag while Alex was in the shower. The events of the following night were still swimming around in his head. Not paying attention, he nearly walked out of his room before grabbing his wallet and keys.  
  
"Bye Alex, I'm off!" Jamie yelled, grabbing his motorcycle helmet from the kitchen table. He hadn't told anyone about the information Faustus has given him the night before...he didn't really know what to do with it. This transcended anything like a simple genealogy project for school. This meant he might finally get some questions answered, regardless of whether he wanted them answered or not.  
  
As he sped off to school on his motorcycle he realized he wasn't in the mood for school. Granted, he rarely was in the 'mood' for school, but this was the first time in a long time that he had considered either going in late or just skipping entirely. Skipping was beginning to sound better and better...  
  
Two hours later, Jamie was speeding down I-95 heading nowhere. He had just felt like getting away and thinking. He had never ridden his bike this long continuously and was beginning to get sore.  
  
With a start he saw a sign reading "Georgia, 200 miles". Georgia. Georgia was between Virginia and Florida. Florida. That's where they lived. His mother.  
  
Why not? He had come this far.  
  
That evening Jamie pulled into a gas station off the highway and headed to the bathroom to clean up. His school uniform was wrinkled, his hair was flattened beyond redemption and he had forgotten lunch. He shrugged and went to get gas.  
  
A few minutes later, Jamie was back on the road.  
  
***  
  
The house was a one-story ranch with a large front yard. Tall trees kept the well-manicured lawn in semi-shade; a jump rope was curled next to the front door. Jamie sat out front on his bike feeling like he had stumbled into one of those "what does not belong" puzzles from Sesame Street.  
  
With trepidation he managed to get himself to the front door. On the way up the front walk he realized something. He knew he was angry, knew that he wanted his questions answered and had even realized somewhere along the interstate earlier that afternoon that he wanted her approval for some strange reason. But now a new emotion was taking over.  
  
Jealousy.  
  
Steeling himself he rang the bell next to the large oaken door. A minute later the door opened, a small child peering up at him. Jamie's jaw dropped and nothing he tried seemed to work to close it. She was maybe six or seven. His half-whatever's were supposed to be in diapers, not answering the door!  
  
When he had managed to get a hold of himself, he realized that she had closed the door. Calm down, Jamie told himself, breathe. Okay.  
  
Collected once again, he rang the bell. This time a man answered the door, two children peering around him, the second child older than the one who had answered the door previously. The man wasn't any taller than Jamie was, but he had filled out where Jamie was lanky. His short brown hair was beginning to gray and contemporary thin, gold-framed glasses sat on his nose. He wore pressed khaki pants, casual but still nice and a polo shirt with a subtle green striping to it.  
  
Suddenly Jamie felt like he was wearing year old grubby clothes that he reserved for especially dirty days, but it was now or never as Brooke had recently become fond of saying. "I'd like to speak to Mrs. Stewart, please."  
  
"I'd like to speak to Mrs. Stewart, sir," he repeated a minute later.  
  
The man regarded the teenager at his door curiously. He had obviously just come from school, but wasn't wearing a uniform he recognized. "She's busy right now," he repeated. "Whatever you're selling, come back later."  
  
"I'd like to speak to Mrs. Stewart, please," the boy repeated, in the odd, bored voice he had.  
  
"I said -" the man began once again, becoming annoyed.  
  
"I'm deaf. I'd like to speak to Mrs. Stewart," the teen finally said.  
  
This took the man aback. "One minute," he said, holding up once finger. He closed the door for a minute and went back to the kitchen to get his wife.  
  
"Can I help you?" she asked as she opened the door.  
  
Once again, Jamie's brain refused to work. This was his mother. She was perhaps 5'2" with short, black hair and wore slacks and a blouse, one hand held a dishtowel.  
  
Swallowing, he said, "My name is Jamie Waite."  
  
***  
  
In Kingsport, Alex looked at the clock in his office for what seemed to be the twelfth time in two minutes. Jamie was nearly thirty minutes late. He was never late for work anymore. And even when he had been late to work in the past it had never been by thirty minutes. And he wasn't returning his pages either.  
  
"Brooke!" Alex roared, finally losing control. He was worried.  
  
"Yes, Alex?" Brooke replied, running into his office with a stack of binders in his arms.  
  
"Where is Jamie?" he asked quietly, realizing that his voice had drawn more than just Brooke's attention.  
  
"I don't know, he should be here by now though."  
  
Alex sighed, sitting back down in his chair and wearily rubbed the bridge of his nose, an old habit formed before he had started wearing contacts. "I know he should be here. He obviously isn't. Did he say he might be busy or anything to you?"  
  
"Nope but he was checking his email every ten minutes yesterday. Maybe he was expecting something important."  
  
"Okay, Brooke. Let me know if you see him or hear anything and have dispatch keep a watch for him at the hospital or police stations."  
  
"No problem."  
  
Alex didn't want to make a mountain out of a molehill, but he couldn't shake the feeling that something was very wrong. Jamie always returned his pages or showed up a few minutes later. He never ignored it for this long. Alex sighed and tried to concentrate on the paperwork in front of him, but couldn't.  
  
***  
  
Mrs. Stewart dropped the dishtowel she was holding, gasping in disbelief. She grabbed her husband and held him tightly, tears welling up in her eyes.  
  
"Who is he?" he asked, soft enough for only her to hear.  
  
"He's my son, Richard," she replied, the tears now flowing down her cheeks and onto his shirt.  
  
Richard visibly stiffened and took half a step back. He had been married to Mary for ten years now, they even had two young children. He had known she had been in at least one bad relationship in the past, but she had never mentioned children or a husband. She had rarely spoken of it, always saying that she lived in the present and wanted to leave the past where it belonged. Now he wasn't sure what to think.  
  
"Um, come in," Richard said, motioning for Jamie to enter the house.  
  
"Thanks," Jamie replied, not really sure what was going to happen. He had met his mother, now what?  
  
He was shown to the living room, a large, open area where the kitchen and the dining room could be seen, although each was separate from each other. His mother sat down on the couch next to him, hastily wiping her tears away, while her husband had taken the children back upstairs and went to finish dinner.  
  
They sat on the sofa awkwardly, not knowing what to say or how to say it. Finally, Jamie started. "Nice house."  
  
His mother nodded, not certain how to respond. She knew he was deaf, but he wasn't deaf when she had left, what had happened? So many questions she wanted answered, so many she was sure he wanted answered and yet they could only look at each other trying not to meet the others eyes.  
  
***  
  
In the kitchen, Richard finished preparing dinner and surreptitiously watched his wife and her son sit on the couch. It was an uncomfortable silence and he didn't see any reason to help them out. She never told him that she had a kid. Or that he was deaf. How could she leave a deaf child? How could she leave any child? As he finished preparing dinner, he came to one conclusion, Mary was not the woman he thought he had married.  
  
"Dinner!" he called, making sure he set an extra place at the table for their guest.  
  
"What would you like to drink?" he asked Jamie, motioning to the empty glass.  
  
"Water?" Jamie asked, not really sure what was being asked of him, but trying to make a safe guess.  
  
Dinner was an awkward affair, with Mary and Richard speaking only when they had to and not explaining anything to their children about whom Jamie was or why he was there. Jamie ate his dinner and tried to pretend that he hadn't caused this disruption to an otherwise John Q. Normal family.  
  
As soon as everyone had finished eating, Richard stood up to begin the dishes. "Kids," he said, "why don't you take Jamie to the park."  
  
"Yay!" the younger child cried, pleased to be allowed to go to the park on a school night. "Come on, Jamie!" she grabbed his hand and began to pull him towards the door.  
  
Jamie looked over his shoulder wondering what was happening and saw Mary making a shooing motion. "Okay," he said, uncertainly.  
  
***  
  
Jamie allowed himself to be dragged to a small park a few blocks away. "So...do you two have names or am I supposed to call you 'Tweedledum and Tweedledee'?"  
  
Two blank stares met his gaze. "Right. I'm Jamie. And I can't hear you, okay? So why don't you write your names down for me?" he held out his pad of paper and a small pen to the girls. The elder girl wrote 'Kristin' on the paper quickly before handing it to her sister. The younger girl wrote 'Shannon' on it more slowly, in large uneven block print.  
  
Without waiting for a response, the sisters headed for the swings the younger one, Shannon, trying vainly to pump harder than her older sister. Jamie sighed and decided to do his ....brotherly?... best to keep an eye on them, which apparently included pushing Shannon to help her get higher.  
  
Two normal little girls with matching almond eyes and straight dark brown hair, with loving parents in a good neighborhood, they probably went to a private school or at least never went to daycare or were latchkey kids. They were secure and confident that despite Jamie being a stranger, he would not hurt them because their parents had let him take them to the park.  
  
This could have been me, Jamie thought.  
  
The benign phrase echoed in his head, growing, becoming louder and louder with each passing second.  
  
This could have been me.  
  
Jamie pushed Shannon higher. She squealed with glee. This could have been me.  
  
After they had finished swinging and had moved on to the monkey bars, with Jamie watching from a nearby bench for tired parents, he realized something else. He didn't hate them.  
  
How could he hate these innocent little girls who had done nothing to him? It wasn't their fault they had a perfect life and he didn't. They didn't even know that they had a perfect life yet. They were innocents.  
  
And try as he might, Jamie couldn't let go of those two phrases. This could have been me, but I can't hate them.  
  
***  
  
Alex paced the small apartment he and Jamie called home. It was small, but not cramped and perfect for the two men, but at the moment Alex felt like it was caving in on him, becoming claustrophobically small.  
  
"Where the hell are you?" Alex shouted for the third time since coming home that evening. He had hoped that Jamie had simply felt sick and had gone home without telling anyone. But Jamie's motorcycle wasn't in its parking space and his book bag was missing as well.  
  
Finally he picked up the phone and called the police. "Yes, Dr. Alex Freeman...I need to report a missing person. No...early this morning, around six-thirty. Wait! He's deaf-" the police hung up. Alex looked at the computer momentarily as the screen saver began scrolling again. 'Tis better to be pissed off than pissed on'.  
  
"Damn straight," Alex muttered, "When I get my hands on you Jamie, you're going to be doing the station audit by yourself!"  
  
***  
  
As soon as the front door had closed Richard turned towards his wife seething. His arms crossed over his chest, he demanded an explanation.  
  
Mary sat down at the table, crying again. "Before I met you I was married to Pete Waite. I met him in Japan. I was young, he was in the military. After he was discharged, he couldn't find a job and quickly became an alcoholic," she sighed and said quietly, "he hit me."  
  
Richard stared at Mary not believing what he was hearing. He had known that she had been in a bad relationship before meeting him, but he had no idea that it had been as bad as this. He was torn, one hand wanting to be the loving husband and comfort her, but he had been elected as a judge on a platform of family values. These were not the values he supported. But he loved her.  
  
"We had two children, both boys. Jamie is the youngest. Peter....I don't know where he is," Mary sat at the table, unable to look at her husband as she bared her soul to him. These were things that she had never told anybody and was ashamed to tell them now.  
  
"I was pregnant a third time and Pete caused me to miscarry....and I couldn't forgive that. I started walking one morning and I never went back. I never planned to leave forever, I thought a day or so to clear my head. Then a week or two to get some money, I thought I'd get a job then go back for the boys. Then so long had passed and I met you and I didn't want to go back," as she spoke, her voice became slightly stronger, trying to justify her actions not only to her husband, but to herself. It was one thing to have to live with the skeletons in the closet, it was something else entirely to have to say them, acknowledging that they are indeed yours.  
  
"I didn't know how to tell you, I was afraid you'd hate me. And the more time that passed, the more I was able to think about now and not then. I never thought they'd find me," she looked up at her husband, her eyes pleading forgiveness. She had never meant for any of this to happen.  
  
"You left two children, one who is deaf, in a house with an abusive, alcoholic father?" Richard repeated, unable to believe what he was hearing.  
  
"No! Jamie wasn't deaf when I left...I didn't know!" Mary began crying again.  
  
"I don't know who you are anymore, Mary," Richard told her softly.  
  
A/N: and the plot thickens....*cue hitchcockian music* 


	6. Yesterday's Trash

Silent Lives 6: Yesterday's Trash  
By Maureen  
  
***  
  
Jamie slept fitfully in the guest bedroom of his mother's house. It wasn't that the bed wasn't comfortable, it was, piled high with soft blankets and comforters and plenty of pillows. The mattress was firm; yet yielding obviously picked to provide comfort to as many people as possible.   
  
The problem was that Jamie could not seem to stop dreaming. The nightmares flooded his unconsciousness, penetrating deep into the recesses of his mind and tearing out his greatest fears, waving them like flags only Jamie could see.   
  
Abandonment.   
  
Pain.  
  
Shame.  
  
He tossed and turned, trying to escape his inner demons. While he dreamed, his bedroom door opened and Shannon, the younger of the two girls crept in, her pink night gown almost glowing the in moonlight, a stuffed dog clutched in one hand dressed in a matching pink nightgown.   
  
She watched Jamie for a minute, while he called out softly, his eyes clenched shut. "He's having a bad dream, Peepers," she said to her dog quietly so not to wake him up, not sure what to make of this. She wasn't entirely sure who he was or why he had even come to visit unexpectedly, but she knew he was nice. He had pushed her on the swings.  
  
She climbed in to the large bed and handed her dog to Jamie and rubbed his back like her mother did when she had a bad dream.   
  
"It'll be okay, it's just a dream," she told him. Almost at once Jamie calmed down and returned to a peaceful slumber.   
  
Shannon snuggled in, curling herself into a ball against his back, falling asleep with him.   
  
The next morning Mary Stewart was surprised to find Kristin watching cartoons quietly in the living room by herself. "Where is Shannon?" she asked, heading to the kitchen for coffee.   
  
Kristin shrugged, "I don't know," she told her mother. The girls usually woke about the same time on Saturday mornings to watch cartoons, but this morning Shannon hadn't come in. "I guess she's still asleep."  
  
Mary nodded, accepting the explanation. She began to make the traditional Saturday morning pancakes for everyone while she thought about what needed to be done that day. The first thing of course was to figure out Jamie. And try to somehow make Richard not be mad at her anymore, although she wasn't entirely convinced that it was possible.   
  
After Jamie had brought the girls back home, he had played with them until it was their bedtime, before retiring to the guest room that they had shown him.   
  
Soon, the smell of pancakes wafted through the house, drawing Richard out of bed and even managing to pry Kristin away from her beloved cartoons, but still no sign of Shannon or Jamie.   
  
"Where's Shannon and Jamie?" Richard asked his wife, skipping the morning pleasantries.   
  
"Asleep, I assume. I'll go wake them up," she replied, knowing that he would finish getting breakfast together.   
  
She headed first to the guest room to wake up Jamie. Normally she would knock on a guest's door before entering, but she didn't think he would complain if she simply walked in. Opening the door she saw Jamie stretched out on one side of the bed, all arms and legs with his head barely on the pillow. The bedclothes were twisted about him in a mess, but as she followed the arm she could see, she saw it was holding Shannon's stuffed dog, Peepers. And next to Peepers was Shannon, still curled up in the bed.   
  
Mary looked at them a minute longer, enjoying how cute they were. Then her 'bad mommy' instincts took over and she opened the curtains wide, "Wake up!" she called to Shannon and shook Jamie's leg lightly.   
  
"Ah," he moaned when the sun hit his face. He tried to roll over and bury himself in his bed when he realized something. This wasn't his bed. And Alex was not opening the curtains.   
  
Alex. Oh shit.  
  
"Wake up! Breakfast is on the table!"  
  
"Morning, Mommy," Shannon said, rubbing her eyes as if it were the most natural thing for her to wake up in bed with an older man she didn't quite know. Had she been ten years older it would have been a problem.  
  
"Pancakes are waiting, Shannon," Mary said, leaving the room.   
  
Jamie sat up in bed wearing only his boxers. Shannon was already climbing out of the bed and trying to extract Peepers from the bedclothes. It was then that he realized that she had spent the night with him.  
  
Jamie stumbled into the kitchen a few minutes later, having pulled on his pants once more and pulled on his shirt, although he didn't button it.   
  
"Hungry?" Richard asked him, pretending to eat.   
  
"Yeah," Jamie said, preoccupied with how much trouble he was already in. A plate of pancakes later and he began to feel ready to take on Alex. "Um...I've got a slight problem."  
  
Mary and Richard's interest was piqued; they had both wondered whether or not Jamie had shown up wanting something, although neither had voiced the concern.   
  
"I didn't tell anyone where I was going yesterday and Alex, my guardian, is probably frantic."  
  
Within a minute Mary was on the phone, he was her son after all, trying to reach Alex.   
  
"Alex Freeman?" she asked when the phone was picked up.  
  
"Yeah?" he replied, more of a grunt that actual English. He hadn't slept well, worrying about Jamie.  
  
"My name is Mary Stewart...I'm calling for Jamie. He wants you to know that he's in Jacksonville, Florida. He came out here to find me."  
  
"Find you? In Florida? What?" Alex's brain was quickly waking up sans coffee, but it still was slow in processing the information.   
  
"He came out here to find me...I'm his mother."  
  
Alex dropped the phone.  
  
***  
  
Two hours later Alex had completely woken up, had directions to their house and was at the small Kingsport airport waiting for his flight to Jacksonville. Since it was not a very popular flight, or a very large airport he was going to be hitching a ride on a small four-seater Cessna that a flight student would be piloting with the teacher.  
  
Alex sat in the hard plastic chairs staring at the vending machines only a few paces in front of him. To one side was the check-in counter and there were no x-ray machines to go through like in a normal airport. Only about ten chairs constituted the waiting area and a drink machine and vending machine was all that they offered for food.   
  
With slight trepidation Alex followed the girl and her teacher out to the plane and climbed the stairs behind them to the plane. Fortunately the trainee pilot had been flying for several years now, which helped ease any qualms Alex may have had over flying with a student.  
  
More than that though, Alex was worried about what would happen and what had already happened in Florida. Obviously his mother hadn't rejected him, but what would this mean since Jamie was in foster care and his mother had been located? How was he reacting to the news? Everything was going to be haywire.   
  
Alex drove like a bat out of hell, his ambulance training kicking in. If only he had a rack like an ambulance to get the other cars out of his way to get to the Stewart's house. Ringing the doorbell, Alex hastily tried to make himself look presentable, although clad in pressed khakis and a polo shirt, he fit into the neighborhood well. He left an overnight bag for himself in the car and carried an overnight bag for Jamie since his departure had been spur of the moment.   
  
"Hello?" Richard asked, coming to the door.  
  
"Hello. I'm Dr. Alex Freeman, Jamie's foster father," Alex shook hands with Richard before coming into the house. "We sent Jamie and the girls to the park again, we wanted to speak to you alone first."  
  
Alex nodded, wondering what they could want. Several things immediately came to mind ranging from terrible to mildly annoying. None of his thoughts, however, were close to what Mrs. Stewart said.  
  
"I want custody of Jamie. Full custody."  
  
  
***  
A/N: Peepers is for Bea :) Hope you and Mr. Peepers like.  
One of my best friends is aviation major in Jacksonville :)  
"The rack," the siren. 


	7. Today's Treasure

Silent Lives 7: Today's Treasure  
By Maureen  
  
See previous chapters for disclaimers  
  
***  
  
Alex sat dumbstruck by the pronouncement. "Now wait a minute," he sputtered, trying to stall so he could formulate a response. Usually he did not have these problems. Usually he knew the answers. Usually he wasn't discussing Jamie's welfare with his biological mother either.   
  
"He's my son. I want to be his mother."  
  
"It's not that simple," Alex began, words once again forming into coherent sentences, "He's a ward of the state and he's about to turn 18. By the time we get the paperwork filled out and submitted it won't matter."  
  
"So you're willing to let him move in here?" Mary asked, surprised at Alex's cooperation.  
  
"You misunderstand me. I mean that legally there isn't enough time before his 18th birthday. And it is his choice. He has a life in Kingsport, friends, a family. I won't force him to give up the only stability he has ever known just because you feel guilty."  
  
"He's right," Richard replied softly, surprising everyone.   
  
"He is my son!" Mary replied forcefully.  
  
"Yes, and they are our daughters!" Richard replied, gesturing to the mantle with pictures of their daughters on it.   
  
"Must you disrupt everyone's lives just to ease your conscience? You lived for 14 years without him at all, you can live with seeing him on school vacations!"  
  
Alex sat on the couch, trying to ignore the fight taking place in front of him, but glad to have the other man on his side.   
  
"He is deaf, Mary. Deaf. That means special schools, learning sign, telephones, who knows what else!" Mary began to cry as her husband continued, "I'm not using this as an excuse for him not to be a part of our lives, but you need to think about what this means, especially if he comes to visit or live with us. This is not as simple as enrolling him in the local high school."  
  
***  
  
At the park, Jamie sat on the grass; basking in the warm fall sun and watching his half-sisters play on the monkey bars. They were currently trying to do some trick that they had learned somewhere and he was beginning to wonder if they were going to crack their heads open.  
  
"Shannon, Kristin, come over here before you crack your head open!" he called, hoping to prevent an accident. Obediently the girls came over and sat down.  
  
"Why are you here?" Shannon asked, looking up at Jamie.   
  
He still couldn't read lips and sighed, exasperated. Pulling out his perpetual pen and paper, he handed it to her. "Write it down," he instructed.  
  
Slowly she wrote her question in scraggly block letters with help from her sister. /why are you here?/  
  
Jamie was taken aback. It had never occurred to him that no one had explained who he was. "Um..." he began, not sure where to begin. Finally he decided on the beginning. "Years ago, your mommy was married to someone else and had two boys. She wasn't very happy and she left. I don't know why. Years passed and she met another man who made her very happy and they married and had two girls. But then one of the boys wanted to know where his mommy was because he missed her. So he went looking...and one day he found her and knocked on the door."  
  
/you are the boy/ Kristin wrote.  
  
Jamie nodded. "Yeah. I didn't even know about you two."  
  
/so you are our...half brother?/  
  
Jamie nodded again. "Yeah. I'm Jamie Waite. Nice to meet you," he formally shook their hands, glad that everything was mostly explained. He'd leave their mother to explain the rest when they get older.  
  
Walking back to the house, a small, dirty hand in each of his, Jamie decided he would ask Alex if he could spend part of Christmas break here, if his mother would let him. They did have a few issues to resolve still. Cute little sisters or not, they had a lot of figure out.  
  
***  
  
Are you Jamie's dad?" Kristin asked Alex as soon as Jamie had gone upstairs to shower and change.   
  
Alex began coughing suddenly, as the room became eerily quiet. "No, no I'm not. I'm Alex, Jamie's foster father."  
  
"Oh," she said, not quite sure what a 'foster father' was.   
  
Mary quickly grabbed her oldest daughter, shooing her upstairs to clean up and trying to apologize at the same time.   
  
Alex chuckled softly, "I'm not offended. I know she doesn't know about Jamie's real father, and I like to think of Jamie as my son. But Mary, I'm not trying to keep him from you, I just want what's best for him, like you."  
  
She pursed her lips together and didn't reply.   
Time passed slowly, neither party really knowing what to do or say, but knowing that something had to be done. Mary wanted her son back regardless of what everyone else said and Richard and Alex had found an unspoken alliance to keep Jamie with Alex. Although they had different reasons the desired results were the same.   
  
*So, Mary wants me to move in here?* Jamie signed to Alex after he had recapped the earlier events. He wasn't comfortable referring to her as 'mother' or 'mom', which, as he had put it, would imply a relationship they didn't have.  
  
*She wants to make up for the lost time,* Alex explained, trying to be unbiased. This was ultimately Jamie's decision after all.   
  
*It's not like she didn't know where I was for 14 fucking years!* the younger man replied sarcastically. Normally he tried to watch his language around his boss cum foster father, but right now he just didn't care. He knew how to swear like a sailor and he liked it.   
  
Alex wisely didn't comment, shrugging in reply. What could he say? It was true.   
  
*I had to rot in that shit hole, that cesspool! And she has the nerve to sit here in her Polo sweater-set and khakis and say that she wants me back? Well whoop-ti-fucking-do! I am not some dog that barks on command!* Jamie was working himself up into hysterics.   
  
This was a side of him that Alex had never seen. This was 14 years of anger, resentment, hatred, love and dreams coming crashing down around his shoulders. This was having to be loved after the accident, rebuilding a life. This was realizing that everything you ever knew could have possibly been circumvented if the one person in the world who was supposed to care wasn't conceited.  
  
*You want to lose this, Jamie?* Alex finally asked, once Jamie had calmed down a bit.  
Jamie looked at him askance, taken aback. *What do you mean?*  
  
*I mean, if you go ranting like this, you might lose your mother forever. Do you want to lose her forever or simply bitch her out?*  
  
Damn Alex, making sense. He shook his shaggy black head, bangs falling in to his face. Alex had tried to get him to cut his hair, but he had become interested in anime and had decided to grow his hair to look like an anime guy. *Okay, so you're saying I can bitch her out, but not too badly?* he'd never heard Alex cuss before.  
  
*Right. Feel free to tell her how you feel, but try to keep the cussing to a minimum, okay?*  
  
Jamie nodded. He stood, wanting to get this done. It was nearly dinnertime and he was ready to talk to his mom and understand her. He was ready to go back home. His sisters were cute, but this wasn't what he had expected. He hadn't known what to expect, but that really didn't matter.  
  
"Mary?" he said, hesitantly, joining his mother and stepfather in the living room. "Alex will translate for you, okay?"  
  
She nodded, not understanding.  
  
Taking a deep breath, he began to rant. He fumed about his life or lack thereof in near poverty, his criminal record, how he became deaf, and more. After nearly twenty minutes he was crying, his voice breaking. To his chagrin he had switched at some point from speaking to signing, finding it easier when he couldn't trust his voice.  
  
More and more, he had noticed, that he couldn't trust his voice. Volume was becoming less of a problem, except in situations where he was excited, like this one. His biggest problem now, was the flatness. He was slurring some of his consonants without realizing it, his voice lacking emotion or word definition. All of this combined with crying made his voice nearly useless.  
  
Finally he took a breath, trying to calm down. "Fuck you," he ended clearly, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. Gone was the confidant young man that had knocked on the door the evening before, sending their lives into turmoil. In his place was the hurt and scarred boy his mother had all but forgotten about.  
  
Alex was immediately trying to comfort his ward, rubbing his back and holding him, but was intercepted by Mary. She too was crying, wishing she could proclaim her son a liar, but knowing every word was true. And it had all been preventable had she simply taken her children with her when she ran.   
  
She pulled her son close to her, rocking him in her arms as sobbed wracked his body. "Shh," she murmured into his neck, not for comfort, but for herself. The guilt had been overwhelming for the past 24 hours, the silently accusing eyes of both Jamie and Richard almost unbearable. And she deserved it. She deserved it.  
  
***  
  
Jamie and Alex had dinner that night at the Cracker Barrel, the restaurant of road trips. It had been a teary goodbye with email addresses exchanged and promises to write. It wasn't the perfect family reunion, but it wasn't horrible. And Jamie liked his sisters. They were cute.  
  
***  
  
A/N: I want to move to theory. Everything works there. 


	8. Fornicating Frogs

Silent Lives 8: Fornicating Frogs  
By Maureen  
  
***  
  
*Are you going to be home tonight?* Alex asked Jamie at work Friday afternoon a couple weeks after they returned from Florida. Things had been tense for a while, but gradually life was returning to normal. Jamie had been emailing his mother a bit and they were tentatively planning on him visiting for New Years. Alex had been surprised how mature his ward was being about the entire situation.   
  
He shrugged, *Nothing set in stone,* he replied, *I was thinking of going to see a concert tonight. They're letting minors in at Fitz's tonight before 10pm.*  
  
Alex nodded, Brooke had mentioned that Haggis was playing there tonight. She had been breaking from the 'perfect' Linear mold ever since Val had left for college and although she was still responsible, mature and trust-worthy, she was now developing in to Brooke Linear, not 'Val's little sister'. She had cut her hair short and spiky in the back and long in the front. It was quasi-punk rock but still very trendy and cute.   
  
More and more she was becoming her own person and after living with Jamie for over a year and coming to the shocking conclusion that punks and Goths weren't horrible people that should be brainwashed until they are normal, he wasn't worried about her. As long as she was 'straight edge,' a term Jamie had explained to him when he had been worried, all was fine.   
  
*I want you to have dinner at home tonight,* Alex told him, hoping his plans would go without incident tonight.   
  
Jamie nodded, not caring. He had to go home after work before he could go to the concert anyways. He wasn't meeting Brooke for it until later anyways. This was her early birthday present for him. She was treating him to the concert and mayhem afterwards. Besides, he was friends with the band and hadn't seen them for a while.  
  
If only his shift would end, he wanted to mosh!  
  
***  
  
Alex bustled about the apartment trying to get everything ready for his surprise. Jamie had fortunately retreated to the shower immediately after work, which gave Alex plenty of time.   
  
As the water turned off, Alex surveyed his handiwork. The gumbo for dinner was in the oven warming with the bread, the table was set, and salad was in the refrigerator keeping cool next to a small bottle of wine. Everything looked perfect.   
  
Jamie came wandering in to the living room, clad only in his towel. "Have you seen my old jeans?" he asked Alex, not noticing anything.   
  
*Jeans?* Alex asked, not knowing which ones he was referring too.  
  
*You know, my old ones with the holes in the knees.*  
  
*I threw them away last time I did the laundry, they were falling apart.*  
  
*Exactly! And they were perfect!* Jamie groaned and headed back to his room to see about another pair of holey jeans.  
  
The doorbell rang as Jamie's back disappeared into his bedroom. Alex shook his head, thankful that, if nothing else, he would be returning fully clothed and most likely with another pair of ruined jeans. Smiling, he went to open the door.  
  
***  
  
The smiling woman on the other side greeted Alex warmly. "Alex," she said, her brown eyes sparkling. "How're you?"  
  
"Fine," Alex replied, kissing her gently. "How was your business trip?"  
  
"Boring as usual. Same old farts saying the same old clichés," she said, accepting a glass of wine from Alex and sitting on the couch. "Your problem child here?"  
  
"He's getting ready to go out later," Alex grimaced, "I'm afraid he's going to be at his scariest tonight."  
  
She laughed, touching his hand, "Let him live a little! You're only young once!"  
  
"I was never young," he replied straight faced. "Besides, at the rate he's going, I'm going to be old and gray before my time!"  
  
"Florida that bad, huh?"  
  
"Worse actually," Alex checked his watch, "I'd better go get him or dinner will burn."  
  
***  
  
Alex opened Jamie's door enough to put his head in and flick the light switch briefly to get his attention. *Dinner. Ready?* he asked.  
  
"Yeah," he replied. He was wearing the jeans with one of the back pockets ripped off. In its place was a patch with the Ramones presidential logo and their names. He had also added patches to the pant legs at random, the only ones Alex could remember said "black label society" and "NOFX", whatever they meant. Hanging down from his waist were black suspenders. He also wore a black shirt with two white X's stitched across it and mesh sleeves. The outfit was bizarre to Alex.   
  
*You are going to wear that out?* he asked.  
  
*Yeah…* Jamie replied, not understanding the problem. At Fitz's he would look completely normal. He looked down for a moment, *Well, I was going to put on shoes and a jacket.*  
  
Alex just shook his head bewildered, at least he wasn't wearing makeup. *Whatever. Dinner time.*  
  
Jamie shrugged and followed Alex out to the kitchen. He never understood why Alex got so upset about what he wore sometimes. He wore a uniform to school, a uniform to work, and then Alex would get on his case about not dressing like a preppy perfect person. Weren't two uniforms enough? Besides, Alex wouldn't have to be seen out with him. Usually he was much more mainstream in how he dressed anyways. But he still wasn't preppy.  
  
Upon reaching the living room, he was surprised to see a woman sitting on the couch. He tapped Alex on the shoulder, *She's not a social worker is she?* he asked suspiciously.   
  
Alex chuckled. *No, she's not* he reached out, and she stood, joining Alex. Truth be told, they were all nervous. Alex had told her that Jamie might not take meeting her too well and she wanted to prevent that as much as possible. Jamie had no idea what to think. *This is Zoë Sinclair, my girlfriend.*  
  
Jamie's jaw dropped. *Your girlfriend?* he repeated dumbly.   
  
"It's nice to meet you, Jamie," Zoë said, reaching out to shake his hand.   
  
He numbly submitted to the handshake, nodding at her briefly before turning to Alex, his hands flying. *When did you get a girlfriend?!* he demanded.  
  
Alex ignored him and headed to the kitchen to serve dinner. He thought that Jamie was taking this better than he otherwise could have.  
  
Dinner was uneventful unless you count Jamie being completely unsocialable. It wasn't that he was rude, per se, but he made no attempt to get to know Zoë or answer her questions beyond simply being polite. Then again, Alex figured that as long as he was not actively being rude to her he would let the behavior slide.  
  
"I'm done," Jamie announced after his second bowl of gumbo. Alex and Zoë had been having a quiet conversation and his announcement interrupted.   
  
*Then go,* Alex told him. *And take your dishes!*  
  
Jamie rolled his eyes and headed back to his room.  
  
***  
  
Alex has a girlfriend, Jamie thought. A girlfriend. She looked so different from him though! And it's Alex! The idea of him doing...anything practically nauseated Jamie. The only people in his life having sex was him and fan fiction characters in the stories he read online. And he hadn't ever gotten any. His little half-sisters appeared one day in the cabbage patch.  
  
Zoë was petite, the top of her head about even with his shoulders. Her blonde hair was cut in one of those middle-aged businesswoman type haircuts, a little shaggy on the top, but perky looking. Her gray suit had pink accents. Pink. She was animated and friendly and if her purse was any indication, slightly disorganized. Her planner jutted out of her large bag and it had so many papers and things crammed in it that Jamie noticed the zipper was about to break on it.  
  
What the hell was she doing with Alex? Jamie closed his eyes, trying to get the mental picture out of his mind. That was a bad way to put things.  
  
The lights flickered, and Jamie looked up from the magazine he wasn't reading. *Hey Brooke,* he said to the girl in the doorway.   
  
*Hey,* she came in and sat on his desk chair. *Ready?*   
  
*Yup.* Jamie grabbed his jacket and keys before heading out...where Alex and Zoë were talking on the couch.  
  
***  
  
*So who was she?* Brooke asked, curious.   
  
*Her name's Zoë,* Jamie told her as they headed out. *She's Alex's girlfriend.*  
  
*Girlfriend? Since when?* Brooke didn't believe him, but at the same time, always on the lookout for some juicy gossip.  
  
Jamie shrugged, *I don't know. I didn't know anything until she came to dinner tonight.*  
  
*She seemed nice when I talked to her,* Brooke told him, sympathetically. Although she didn't completely understand the problem, she had known Jamie long enough to know that this was bothering him. Her parents had been married for twenty years now and while they'd had their ups and downs, they still loved each other. And Alex was Jamie's foster father, not his real parents. She understood why he had been shocked to find out about his mother and her new family, but this was Alex.   
  
*So? She's terrible.*  
  
*Why?* she asked, not understanding.  
  
*Because!* he didn't elaborate as they had reached the club. Brooke paid and they both dutifully showed their IDs and held out their hands for the black X's to be written on them with permanent marker. No drinking tonight.  
  
*So, why?* Brooke repeated as they were assaulted by the bass from the band on stage. It was just a warm up band and few people were dancing.  
  
*Why what?*   
  
*Why don't you like her, you dork!*  
  
*She's dating Alex! She's not like him at all!*  
  
*And you're pissed that you didn't know about it, is that it? Because there is no way she could have done anything for you to hate her at dinner. I'm betting you didn't bother to try to get to know her.* Brooke let their way through the quickly thickening crowd to the balcony outside. It was quieter in there, and more private. Although Jamie hadn't said anything, she knew the loud music was beginning to bother him as he had turned his hearing aids off.   
  
*That's not the point!* Jamie protested, how come she didn't understand?   
  
*Then explain it to me like I'm in kindergarten,* Brooke demanded. She thought she knew where this was going and didn't like it one bit.  
  
Jamie stood there, arms crossed glaring at her.  
  
*Fine then, you're afraid they're going to get married and be all happy and Alex is going to forget about you, is that it?* Brooke signed quickly, making short, punctuated stops. She was angry now.  
  
*Fine, you want the truth? That's exactly right! My mom left and has a new family, my brother left, my father left, Catie left, hell, even the super squad is gone! Why the fuck shouldn't I think that they are going to get married and leave me in the dirt?*   
  
Brooke's eyes softened as she realized how deep his fear of abandonment went. *Jamie, Alex, no matter whether he marries or not, and I think that's a bit premature, he will never leave you. You are his son and he loves you. I know I sound sappy, but it's true. And Catie and the super squad never left you. Sure, they're no longer in Kingsport, but they still email constantly. And you're going to leave in a year too, and I'll still be here. But that doesn't mean we won't be friends, not if you still want to be. Your family isn't who you're related to by blood, but those who love you no matter what. And we all do. Especially Alex.*  
  
Jamie looked at her sullenly. *You finished?*  
  
Brooke nodded, unsure what was about to happen.  
  
*Good. What you say is all fine and good, but not one thing in my life has ever been constant, things are always changing! Nothing ever stays the same!*  
  
Brooke interrupted, unable to stop herself, *But, that's life, Jamie! People change, times change, things change! You changed! You went from the smart-ass punk on probation to one of the top people at the station and a great EMT! I went from being 'Val's little sister' to high school! You can't stop things from changing!*  
  
Jamie turned and stalked away, wading into the crowd inside the club. When Brooke tried to find him a few minutes later, he was in the mosh pit, banging into the other guys and head banging so hard he would have bruises tomorrow.   
  
As a general rule, she avoided mosh pits, they simply weren't safe. The guys moshing were always larger and tougher than she was and it just wasn't worth the injuries. But there were other ways to enjoy the concert and she danced and head banged along with the music. Jamie would work his aggression out and everything would be fine. He just didn't like being told that he was being unreasonable.  
  
***  
A/N: in Houston there is an all age's club called Fitzgerald's or Fitz's, it's cool if you're in to punk rock or ska.  
Haggis: a horrible Scottish dish involving sheep entrails; a punk rock band in Az  
  
"no one is having sex but me and certain fan fiction characters!" - Angel H. with one of the best sex quotes ever. 


End file.
